Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Gratitude, Healing Lyme, Moving On

Before I share the exciting news of my upcoming relaunch of my design business, my seriously fabulous new logo and some inspiring new design projects I’m working on, I felt compelled to share my story of healing and gratitude with you. Though the chapter has been closed for a while now I felt prompted to wrap up what I learned from my illness. I wanted to give the honor and gratitude where it is due. So, before I tell you about some fabulous new projects, like the one for the Los Angeles County Mayors Office, Crisis Response Team project, let me tell you this: 

“I am healed from Lyme Disease,” I say confidently, aloud.
I speak confidently, because I believe there is great power in the spoken word. 
I’d be lying however, if I didn’t  share that almost every time I say them, I pause, in my mind.  I trust God that I am a constant work in progress, always healing, always learning, and always growing. That enemy fear  is always trying to poke his unwelcome spirit in.  So, I declare and I decree in my sweet and strong voice that I am healed.

I’ve had this story ready to share for almost a year. Yet, there was certain factual details that the check in my spirit said do not share. My mind battled. Why not? Over this weekend, at the Healing Conference, there was a story about a bell that resonated deep in my soul. As the pastor shared, I realized why I was not released to share my story.  God showed me it was because certain particular details were irrelevant to the story.  It was profound revelation, followed by so much revelation of what had not been relevant in my life, all along. So, I’ll share my story, with joy and without those irrelevant details.

I’ll keep the details of the illness short.  I felt sick, with migraines, dizziness*, etc., thyroid issues, tired, as if I was dying, gaining weight for three years, despite an organic, healthy, grain free diet. They found a pineal cyst and an empty sella turcica, in my brain. All incidental findings, but  required an  MRI every 6 months for a year.  Three other factors made it very lonely.  It was my sons junior and senior year in High School.  I wanted to be fully present. His senior year events, even graduation, that I was able to attend were  marked by my ducking out, avoiding eye contact and conversation, as I just couldn’t make small talk. I felt bone dead tired, the kind that defies adequate description. One of my best friends was dying of cancer. (two very dear friends had serious cancer) I did not want to share much, because I didn’t want to take any loving attention away from her nor my son’s celebrating in his senior year.  She is with Jesus now and I miss her.  Lastly, I had no diagnosis for the first two years of illness, despite thirty doctors visits, until I found Dr. R*. He listened to me, suspecting Lyme Disease. The tests confirmed it eight days later, the day before Justin’s High School Graduation.  

The year before I was diagnosed there was a doctor  who was trying to burn down my husbands dental practice.  I didn’t know if it was personal, nor if he was going to come to the house and try to burn our house down too.  Due to the active investigation, I was not able to share that with anyone. During his arrest, an illegal silencer was found in his home. The day when he was released on bail I was having a very elaborate alarm system installed with 9 motion cameras on all outside areas, which by the way, I do not find humorous.  Scott was on the way out of town to go skiing with friends in Mammoth. I had an allergic reaction and ended up in the ER, my eye swelling shut. Thank God for my dear friend Marta who met me at the hospital where we just began to laugh at my year, and my eye. 

The same year, before I was diagnosed, feeling like I was dying or going crazy, one of the two, we were on a boat returning from Catalina Island with my family. We encountered  about ten or twenty whales about half mile out who were spouting, majestic and beautiful.  We watched them frolic for about half an hour and then I said, in all seriousness, "I'm going to pray that they come closer.” My cousin just started laughing.  The men followed suit and began laughing somewhat uproariously, that I would pray for such a silly thing. My cousin said, “You don’t think God has anything better to do than to bring the whales closer?”  He just laughed and laughed.  I explained, “God cares about showing us how much he loves us and that he hears our prayers.”  So, they laughed harder.  My dad joked, while laughing hilariously, to tell God, “Send two whales!  Tell God you want one on the port side of the boat and one starboard side.”  To which they all crazy laughed. If you can imagine me rolling my eyes here, please imagine. 

So, I knew God would hear my prayers and bring the whales closer, so I went below to spend an hour in prayer. Immediately as I sat down to pray, loud, shrieking and screaming began. I cannot describe the sounds of their screams. I was scared, thinking my little 3 or 5 year old niece or nephew had fallen over, as the shrieks weren’t anything I had ever heard before. I ran up top to see two whales come right towards us, one on the port and one on starboard side. 

To use the word majestic to describe this event would be such an understatement.  The blue whale is the largest animal alive. A blue whale weights two hundred tons. Since I am a visual person, it helps me to imagine that is the same weight as forty elephants.  Their tongues alone weight as much as one elephant. 

They came so close to the boat at a speed I cannot describe, one on port, one on starboard. They were as long as the 100 foot boat. My cousin Danny, the captain, looked a little grim when he realized how close the whales got to the boat. Their spines came up, out of the water, as they were almost past and honestly it felt like they were only inches from the boat. Danny said later if they had both been closer it could have lifted the boat up. Both my niece and nephew were up top without life jackets at that moment. When I reflect on all the different elements of the majesty (and dangerous possibilities) of that moment my mind races.

We were in awe. We screamed, jumped up and down. We’re a pretty dignified bunch. I use that choice of adjectives in jest, but we’re not the kind that jumps up and down and cries. But we jumped up and down, cried and screamed.  It is one of the few things I have experienced in my life where awe is the only word to come close to describing the moment. I found the video on facebook to listen and watch again, today and was brought to tears again, with an awe for what God brought that day. Our conversation over our three hour dinner was about prayer. 

It was majestic, mesmerizing and really spoke to me about God hearing us. About to embark on the hardest year of my life, God heard my little but fervent prayer and used that to bring the largest animal on the planet to me. I don’t believe he did it only to show my family that yes, he heard, but that my faithful and fragile heart would need that reminder to sustain me through the next few years.  

Prayer was integral to my healing. I didn’t need a whale to help me pray more, nor to know prayer was deep and effective. But I think God knew how much I’d need the encouragement that year, when I spent most of Justin’s senior year feeling awful laying on the sofa most of the time and very guilty about not knowing why. The whale became my reminder of God hearing my prayers. 

I believe healing and wellness can be profoundly affected by your mind. Neuroscience fascinates me.  I believe healing (and sickness) can begin with the spoken word. It is so powerful.  Healing prayer, speaking the scriptures in the name of Jesus Christ could heal. Though I began studying towards a Naturopathy degree, it became the power of prayer that fascinated me.

 Before my diagnosis, my acupuncturist asked me upon meeting me “What was my healing goal?”  I said to be thinner. I was at wits end and crying throughout the appointment.  She said no, “Who do you want to be, when your healed?”  I was thinking  “great she’s a nut ball ” this isn’t therapy it’s acupuncture.  But she was very intuitive,  recommended the gastrointerologist who diagnosed my Lyme Disease.  I told her I needed to go pray about it. A picture came to my mind of me standing, thinly (wink!) in a white dress, sweet and strong. 

 My thyroid illness, made worse by Lyme,  was routed deeply in not feeling heard in some situations (according to various thought, thyroid issues mean not feeling heard, picture someone squeezing your throat).  Part of my healing was learning to communicate clearly and directly.  I came to realize that when I felt I wasn’t being heard I got stronger,  louder, and bolder. Sadly, I think I came across harshly.  So my healing goal: Sweet and strong. I had absolutely no idea what that all meant at the time. It has all come together in the healing,  strength and sweetness. 

 I went to healing conferences, healing rooms,  Hidden Manna, prayed with M & M each week. M & R, bi-monthly. I learned so much about healing, illness and oils. Forgiveness is the cornerstone of healing. I really had no idea.  The language of these prayers is very powerful. Speaking them out loud is very powerful. The choice of words themselves are powerful. Renouncing lies that have been spoken over you, releasing people from their offense, giving them back to God, blessing them.  It includes replacing what you let go with something else. I was blessed to be prayed for by friends from all over the country and several parts of the world. I had prayers for separate things, like migraines. They are mostly gone.  My adrenal fatigue was prayed over at my friend M’s house, by J., and I felt an electrical type charge that is indescribable and I fell to the floor. The next time my adrenals were tested the test was not  just improved, but 100% normal. I have the tests to prove it, not that I needed them. 

So, it is with much gratitude for the love I received on this journey. I am compelled to thank those who prayed for, over and with me. Thank you to my dear and precious friends who prayed for me while I was in the MRI tube, I literally felt the presence of God sustaining me each time like I was covered by big beautiful white wings. Thank you to my family (especially my mom and dad) who prayed  for me and in Catalina when I felt I was close to losing it completely laid hands on me at dinner and prayed blessing over me one by one. Thank you to M & M for being my trusted prayer warriors and helping me keep my eyes up and on God, not letting me get too discouraged. Thank you to my precious friends, who didn’t forget I was still here. Thank you to the dear, dedicated and brilliant doctors who helped me, some of whom are dear friends and did it on their own time. The time you took to meet with me and go over my charts, tests etc.. truly shows your heart for diagnosis and healing. 

Thank you to my best friend, my husband and my love: Scott. I know it was not easy, but I trust you and your big heart and brilliant mind. Thank you for helping me navigate.  We are so much better for this journey. Also, thank you to my darling/handsome and amazing; Hannah and Justin. You guys are my loves. 

My illness was caused by a tick bite, yes, but it was God that healed me. He healed me from a lot more than Lyme. To God be the glory. It was by His grace, alone. 

 photo signature_zps72c1a2bc.png

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Last blog entry!

Hi Bloggers and Friends,
So, I had a great day today and yesterday, filled with doctors apt.'s where I received lots of good news. Several of the co-infections that I got with Lyme Disease are now back to normal. (No, I'm not clear of Lyme...YET) But it's good news and the dedication to pure, non gmo foods, organic and absolutely no sugar is good for you and heals a ton of things. It's a little too long and boring to go into, but I'm so excited to share with you how some of these issues were healed, besides prayer of course. 

This is one of my last few blog entries for this blog! Because I officially shut down the 501c3, it has been recommended to me that because this blog has the name Inspired Design Publications, I should close the blog! So, I'm going to start one up with Sunset and Magnolia! It will be entirely home, lifestyle and natural/organic solutions for beautiful and healthy, healing homes, based on my discovery and (almost) recovery from Lyme.

If you'd like to receive it reply back and I'll make sure that I let you know when it is set up in the early part of 2016!

Until then, Merry Christmas! (Pic of my sweet momma and favorite sis)
With much love,

PS I might remind you one or two more times to let me know if you'd like to be on the list!

 photo signature_zps72c1a2bc.png

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Preview of Items/Where have I Been?

Good Evening,
I received so many sweet wishes from you all. Thank you. Life is funny, isn't it?  I want to be honest and share, but I don't want to complain. Ultimately the last year and half have been hard. Two summers of feeling awful. One because I had no idea what was wrong, the next because I had begun treatment. I ducked out (literally) of social situations (Justin's senior year events, church, etc...) because I was too exhausted to have meaningful conversation. 

God certainly has a purpose. 
Thankfully, I am seeing shimmering signs of that purpose, like a door opening to sunshine and heavenly possibility. I so love people (friends, family, clients). Even if I just know you on Facebook and a little in real life, it is precious relationship to me.  I know for sure; time is precious. 

This seemingly celebratory article (8 pages) appeared in French Country Style. It confirms to me; nothing is as it seems. This stunning place looks like the person who lives there has an ideal life. While I'm filled with nothing but gratitude, this life is far from perfect. At the same time the public looked at these pictures, I lay in that bed, or on that couch, sweating, suffering and healing from Lyme Disease. Life is messy. 

Hilariously, I wrote this methodically last night. I was going to upload pics from our preparations today! Haha! I think God had other plans. I've been sitting at my computer for an hour and had to reset about 5 passwords and still cannot get to my iCloud, whatever to share the pics. So, I will upload the pics to my Facebook page under this blog post, so you can see them. 

Yep, Life is messy! But, wonderful! I hope to see you all on Thursday!

Much, much love,

 photo signature_zps72c1a2bc.png

Monday, December 7, 2015

Thursday's Christmas Boutique

Dear Blog Readers, 
Merry Christmas! I am just letting you know about my boutique on Thursday. I'm so excited about it. I'm finally feeling about 70% of my normal self :)and have had enough energy to put together this little boutique. I'll share photographs of items tomorrow, after Judy and I spend Tuesday wrapping all the goodies up!

I have a new found passion for all things organic and green, so my interior design business has taken that turn as well. I started a naturopath program just for background information on how to use the healthiest ingredients from the contents of your spice pantry (with pretty jars) to wallpaper paste to organic fabrics to a pharmaceutical free house and chemical free home. 

I hope you'll join us for delicious, beautiful, gluten-free cupcakes that are the most beautiful things you have ever seen. The soaps are made by a darling local girl all organic. Our wrapping is included and have one darling friend just wrapping all day. 

We'll have oils, natural cleaning products, beautiful hostess gift items and packaged beautifully. All under $20. Then of course, we have antique accessories, new pillows, linens and all way under what I paid wholesale! It's that time of year that I am excited to part with all the goodies that didn't find a home and the items I put together for your holiday gift needs.

I so hope to catch up with you. You are always welcome to bring friends. I'll have the outside fireplace on come sit enjoy some "bulletproof" coffee, hot cocoa with no sugar and low glycemic, and delicious gluten free (and exquisite locally made) cupcakes!

Pictures posted tomorrow.
Much love,

 photo signature_zps72c1a2bc.png

Sunday, October 18, 2015

A Journey With Lyme

Happy October! It's been quite a while since my regular posts, you'll see why as you read the following article. This article is from WHOA magazine, based in Mississippi that I write the Home Design Articles for. I have been writing for Whoa for about 4 years. I am feeling better as I write this today, while on antibiotics for several months. I'm beating this (LYME)! I'm writing a follow up article on Lyme with what has been successful for me, the latest research and several opinions on the controversy surrounding the testing, treatment and most especially the diagnosis. I'm sorry it might be hard to read. Uploading to this blog is very difficult with a high resolution image, so reduced it's harder to read. If you subscribe to the blog, the emails are easier to read! 
Blessings to you! Roxanne

 photo signature_zps72c1a2bc.png

Friday, March 27, 2015

Lilac and Lemons

Happy Spring!
I'm sharing a fabulous new find! 
My dear friend Amy (and her business partner Karen) has launched her new party planning (and more!) business...

Lilac and Lemons

 I snapped these pics, with my phone, at various gatherings at her house and they are just a snippet of the fabulousness she can do. She sets a spectacular table. Click over to the website to see what else they do, as they are seriously fabulous. They will wrap gifts for you creating a beautiful presentation. 

She approaches her tabletop design with great imagination, an eye for style and skillful use of color. Though she has a love of tabletop that gives mine a run for my money, her patience with every detail sets her apart from the rest. 

 Amy's kind and gracious spirit are my favorite part of her skill set (and of course one of the reasons  I adore my sweet friend!).  I've known her since we moved to town over 18 years ago, as our husbands began to ride bikes together about that time.  She doesn't take over, but comes alongside with brilliant, colorful ideas and turns it into a truly memorable event. She hosted my book launch, years ago, and to date it is one of my most favorite memories ever. There will never be words to describe how thankful I am that she did that for me, nor how thankful I am that she is my dear friend!

My favorite part about at one of Amy's gatherings, is they can be small or large, but she makes you feel truly welcome and special! She will often put little quotes on your place setting with a name card, on some fabulous little item. Recently, she did a gorgeous red table with hearts on it and gave us all little bibles with a handmade cover that she did herself! 

I'm going to think of some event soon, so she and Karen can plan it....let's see...what should I do?

Have a beautiful Friday!

 photo signature_zps72c1a2bc.png